whether we humbly admit it or remain adamantly ignorant, it seems like the simplest of things that we do, so bluntly spell for others what really matters to us. our pride. our selfish ambition.

our hyprocisy.

sometimes the simpler, the clearer. the more oblivious, the more obvious.

depressing isn’t it, this realization that everyone, especially the people we call friends, are inherently double minded.. smile to us when we’re needed. =) laugh with us when it’s convenient. only say things that makes you feel better about yourself. only do things that make you comfortable with who you are.

only love to recover what’s lost. only love when there’s nothing to lose.

turns out our perception of reality is just a facade. it’s never as it seems.

Here’s my first (and only) minimalism composition for horn, 2 violins and piano! Click here to have a listen, only goes for about 2 minutes long. =) It’s called ADD9, cause all materials used are taken from the opening piano theme in Dadd9 (only the G in the bass doesn’t account for that chord).

Thank God for midi! Even if it sounds atrocious.. The violins sound like electones!

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Aeris died!! =( =( =(

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So what’s the biggest thing you’ve learnt from all your previous relationships?

(…)

Later edit: 

I believed that love conquers all, and thought I was just naive cause some of my previous relationships didn’t work out even though we loved each other. In retrospect I guess I wasn’t just naive. Love is always easy to say, never easy to do. How difficult is it to put someone before yourself and ahead of yourself (pun). =P

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevers. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 4-8a

I think I learnt that love isn’t genuine or complete if it misses any condition above! I can’t say I love you, but I’m impatient with you or unkind to you, just because it’s not who I am. Corinthians gives us no excuse to not know what love is, it’s written as plainly as possible! Sure noone’s perfect. That probably just means we need to learn to love more..

I guess I learnt that if you claim to love someone, then you must learn to put him/her first. If you’re totally upset over how he/she has wronged you, no matter how significant or insignificant, perhaps the only person that needs changing is yourself.

And that we’ll always have to continue learning to love, realizing that we’re never going to get there.

And to top it off, that passage above wasn’t even written for couples! What about for family, friends, strangers, or even people we dislike? *e-faint*

Love never fails, even though we do ever so often.

P.S. Sounds like an entry from Khai’s blog! Yikes! Haha!

“Orkidlah..”

Enjoy them while you can! =s

“Camera only wert. Scared for what..” *non-chalant, eats ice-cream*

Photos taken with Khai’s smashing new lenses!

My room’s the messiest it’s ever been! Probably cause of the laundry scattered all over the floor, begging to be brought to the machine.. Got 2 new posters of Coltrane. =)

Okay.. Boring.

Not much going on this week, cooked my first pasta (aglio e olio + prawns, picture below is my second try with salmon instead), started going to the gym, finished ‘The Case for Christ’ by Lee Strobel that Tee Yee (I think, there wasn’t a name in the front page) gave me 2 years ago.. One of the best books I’ve read so far, saturated with jaw-dropping facts and statistics of how accurate and authoritative the Bible is.

Assignments going well, exams coming soon..

Life’s a breeze. =)

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P.S. Look what I found! Feels rather weird reading it, in 3 years changed so much I have!

P.P.S. There’s nothing more uplifting than the numbers 14:30 on the treadmill’s digital screen when you’re doing a 15 minute run.. Haha!

P.P.P.S. Sigh.. Sigh.. Sigh.. Sigh..

ym: you should come by kl again sometime =) visit me and my friends
kat: eee.. dowan. malaysia. you guys don’t even use toilet paper!
ym: ??? huh? of course we use toilet paper!
kat: huh! your friend raymond gave me that impression

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!

sorrylah ray, next time remember to stock up on toilet paper when we have guests from singapore =p

Was supposed to play Liszt’s Funerailles in today’s masterclass with Igor, but in a playthrough with Max just 2 hours before, my understanding of tone and technique, what I conceived as loud, and how to achieve it was totally challenged and reviewed.

I scratched my name out of the list right after the class.

The masterclass Igor gave coincidently drilled in the same point. While demonstrating the opening to Rachmaninoff’s 2nd piano concerto, he produced the purest, and most massive tone I’ve ever heard being played in Melba Hall – And he did it absolutely effortlessly, with no force, just the graceful gestures of his hands. The whole class was stunned, I was literally pushed beyond the back of my seat. Absolutely mindblowing. I left the class totally exhausted..

“We achieve nothing in the piano with force and tension, but only with a relaxed technique and a concentrated mind.” Holtham said in closing.

Ironic isn’t it, yet beautifully and perfectly logical.

A rare moment, crossing through a breaking point in my pianistic career. Might take a while to undo years of bad habits, but let’s just see what happens next.

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“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” James 1:26

Why is it so easy to be judgmental, to punish and hurt others, when we really want to be treated the opposite way?

I’ve been living for the past few years with words so easily coming out of my mouth. My friends back in KL can testify to my absolutely horrible slips of the tongue! I guess James was right, ‘slips of the tongue’ really is the most convenient way to sin.. A bad joke, a white lie, verbal reactions of anger, malice or hatred - These things we conveniently blame on ‘human nature’.

But this religion we claim to practice is absolutely clear. If we can’t keep a tight rein on our tongue, do we deceive ourselves? Is our religion worthless? 

I guess I rarely question my security in God. Sure I go to church every Friday to Sunday, serve in the music ministry week in and week out, and many people were greatly blessed. *pats own shoulder* I must be safe.

You’re welcome, God. No worries.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’” Matthew 7:21-23

Ouch.

Are we one of the many?

Sure gave me a lot to think about, something I know so many of us are so guilty of, and most definitely myself.

We decided to come back to the jetty at St Kilda beach every year on the 24th of April.. It’s exactly how we left it a year ago, where and when it all started.

I love you.. =)

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Coincidently, my buddy Kevin just released his album entitled ‘Midnight In St Kilda’ for his band Broken Scar! Heheh.. Maybe the album’s written for us =P Do support him by grabbing the album in stores (Victoria Music Station in Atria; Rock Corner in 1 Utama, Mid Valley and the Curve), what I heard so far’s pretty good! You can preview them in his Myspace.

It’s quite amazing how hard he worked to get his music recorded and distributed independantly.. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to muster all that energy and determination. Congrats Kev!

Draw a pig? But I can’t draw in the first place! Tagged by Kat..

Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil’s advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.
With few details, you are emotional and naive, they care little for details and are a risk-taker.
With 4 legs showing, they are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals.
The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better. You drew medium sized ears, you are a good listener
The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life.
And again more is better! You drew large tail, WOW!

The text I wrote says “horrible drawing!!” Heheh! Ah well.. That’s my pig. =) How does yours look like?

“… I think it starts in the head. I find the best ideas come from when you’re not actually touching the guitar, otherwise your fingers fall into the same positions and you get stuck in ruts.” - Brian May

It’s so difficult to resist picking up a guitar, and put new lyrics into song.. But I realize that it could be the end point of creativity – Lyrics and rhythm gets locked into rigidity, and fingers can’t help but fall back on clichéd 7th chords in either E, A or D.. Yikes!

But all’s looking good this far, learnt a lot in the past week. =)

Woke up to the sound of pipe drilling and knocking down of the wall behind my room. Excruciatingly painful! Still sleepy, I went to the computer cause there’s no way I could continue sleeping.. They were done 5 minutes after. @#$@#$!!! Why couldn’t they do it after lunch. =s

Easter break’s halfway over, did quite a bit of practice on the college’s new Kawai grand. =) Sure it isn’t tuned yet, but it’s so much more satisfying than practicing on honky-tonks. I didn’t have complaints of staying there for more than an hour, people had to kick me out to use the chapel on a number of occasions.. =p

Everything’s looking good so far. =) Another half of the break to go, then 2 concert classes, a jazz composition, and then the exams. Here’s to a successful semester! *tips glasses*

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The new song “Perfect Sadness” at myspace is something I’m actually happy with! A rather depressing one, do keep the lyrics window open, you might not be able to make out what I’m mumbling.. =P Had to fall back on some falsetto cause it’s done at 2am and I didn’t want to give anyone nightmares..

I know I didn’t want to share till everything is done, but I guess finally writing something decent is worth sharing =p Hope you find it the same.