yeemeng's Xanga

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:35:14 GMT

juwita suwito, alarice, zach tay, orchestre nouveau. sept 19th 2009.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:01:20 GMT

was just watching an old film about love that wasn't very pretty, about a couple that fell in love while working in a diner, arguing all the time from the moment they met, till the end of the film. what went through my mind was that it was all so irrational, so unnecessary, so flawed. why should they bother to try and love each other when the heart of the matter wasn't that the love wasn't adequate, but that they are so flawed in their character.

but as the film progressed, it grew to be something unfamiliar yet strikingly beautiful, love so imperfect and inelegant, but uniquely powerful and relevant. though they remained as flawed as they were when they started.

i think i'm reminded today that love was made for imperfect people, especially for those who are hurting because of the flaws of other people. because people will always have varying shades of flaws in our character, and it makes love a hope worth clinging on to.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 03:57:27 GMT

a great friend once shared with me something he heard: 'saying goodbye is an art, you never know if that's the last time you ever see them.' it's something i have kept very close to me for the past 5 years since i heard it from him, but never had to brave it myself until today.

farewell, old friend. you will be so sorely missed.

It is with great heaviness in my heart that I begin to reflect upon the life and passing of my dear friend.

I begin by pondering where I am, in a cafe on the streets of Melbourne, where I came years ago to pursue my craft as a musician. I start to imagine where I would’ve been if it weren’t for Markus. Had he not bothered to befriend and care for his mischievous classmate who always hung out with the wrong crowd, I would never have stepped into the confines of our church, and grown to love Jesus so dearly. Were it not for his unswerving encouragement and the first few chords he taught me on the guitar, I wouldn’t have come to do what I love for a living, and to express myself so fully as a musician.

Perhaps if I had had the patience to follow up on the few lessons he had taught me on the soccer field, I could’ve been the next Beckham or Ronaldo.

But I believe that because I know him intimately as a friend and confidante, I can speak confidently on behalf of us who know and love him so dearly, because I know it to be true: I believe there is no one we know who is more dedicated, willing and generous with his time and commitment towards the people and causes that he cares for, and hardly anyone more genuine, sincere, and willing to be brutally honest with our shortcomings, out of his love for us that is modelled after Jesus.

Learning and playing with Markus for so many years as a musician, and accompanying him in his journey as a songwriter and lyricist, confirmed to me his great depth as a human being. His fragility and vulnerability has taught him great resilience, to accept and recover from whatever life had to throw at him. His honesty, big heart and genuine unassuming humility, has allowed the depth of his human quality to shine so brightly among the people that he knows.

So it is with this sombre note at the end of this process, that I fully experience and mourn the loss of a dear friend. And as his friends and family all around the world contemplate the finality of his physical passing and what it signifies, I truly believe that his life and influence will so profoundly continue in the lives of those whom he has touched.

For this I am so proud. And as I finish my final sip of coffee here in Melbourne, here’s a toast to you, my dear friend and brother. I owe who I am now, and who I will become, to you.

Your friend, Yee Meng.

(written for markus' wake service; cafenatics, qv. melbourne. 7pm 5th febuary 2009)

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:09:00 GMT

performing with kevin was a real treat! easiest man on the planet to work with, plenty of freedom to put my touch on his pieces. what a breeze! next gig's on 16th august at the empress hotel, 714 nicholson street, fitzroy north.

first time seeing myself in front of a marshall stack amp.. feels good!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:36:24 GMT

"...and one day i will grow and change out of the person i am now [that] i know so deeply, with my remnants of joys and tears, love unrequited and unspoken of: painful and bittersweet; or beautiful, profound and fulfilling.

one day, love won't be the reason I live. and on that day that i decide to revisit these feelings, they won't be there anymore."

12:27pm, 4th april 2004

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:34:04 GMT

mum sent word the other day that grandpa was getting more ill, and i thought back of my time spent with him with much love and respect, knowing that he will be at a better place if he goes. i was glad that i wasn't upset or in crisis, cause after all i understood the human condition. i knew that we live in a fallen world. if he goes, i knew that our loss would be no greater than the many who pass each day.

and it's today that i painfully realize that i no longer feel as deeply as i used to.

i can only vaguely remember back when my blog was not merely a gig guide. writing was my necessary release. i felt much more deeply, loved much more beautifully, lost much more painfully. i wrote and felt with that necessary intensity.

surely i would've responded to this news very differently then. i probably would have painfully struggled as i considered the fragility and futility of human life, given much time and though to make some sense of my turmoil; and hopefully, come to appreciate a beautiful, profound meaning at the end of the tunnel.

and so today, many years later, i realise that this 'strength' i was so proud to have came at a hefty price. i'm not sure now if it's any strength at all.

i quietly contemplate and search my heart, for who i used to be. but even if he is still somewhere in there, i wouldn't know if it's worth paying that cost of being fragile again.

maybe it isn't? it's safer after all.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:57:00 GMT

not my area (obviously), but this is still an interesting read. heheh!

also, eating slower and in smaller portions like the french helps you live longer and stay slim!

so maybe if you just had (oleh's lousy) indomie for supper and you're not yet satisfied, maybe shouldn't order the burger or the chicken rice. i used to have all 3.

or, you could hop to misais. yum.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 02:56:26 GMT

after some thinking, i realize why last semester's studies was so difficult for me; it's that in spite of all the things i love and enjoy about conducting, i couldn't accept that it's ok for people to treat us like crap! even though these precious people are few and far between - critics, musicians, tutors, etc jackasses.

ironically, the friends who are kindest are other conductors who compete with me. i guess they can sympathise.

i've been reminded many times that conductors cannot want to be liked, i think i finally understand now. cause regardless of your ability, you will have to face the music (pun). conclusion is, i must learn to savor the position of having people want to oppress us.

so bring it on! but watch your backs after.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:34:55 GMT

today i'll bring some music out to study in the afternoon, renew my lease for the apartment (boring), and collect a suit jacket which i sent in to have the sleeves shortened; standing in for raymond again on saturday for vyso rehearsal.

justin, a friend studying in sae needs some material for his portfolio so i'm going in the studio next week to track my material. it's about time isn't it! have a few new pedals to toy around with so it should be fun. also, looking forward to playing in a duo with kevin/brokenscar here in melboune on aug 2; will keep you posted.

had a chat with mark shiell, one of my conducting mentors, at st petersburg briefly describing what he has learnt in the week-long masterclass. can't wait for this semester to end, and finally plan for russia.

there's a massive amount of repertoire to cover next semester: act 2 of mozart's marriage of figaro for 2 weeks, followed by a brahms and a tchaikovsky symphony each week. i heard that conducting students only focus on 1 movement a week in sibelius akademie so they get it right. hope this won't be a waste of time..

will make it a point to write something here everyday to jog my brain a little, because having sooo much time to myself can be terribly uninspiring! i need to make the most out of it. (:

Friday, June 27, 2008

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:04:42 GMT

my body clock is very upset thanks to the countless nights of euro fever, been sleeping 6am-3pm everyday.. will have to struggle to stay up for my 4 hour ielts test which starts tomorrow morning at 8am.

and what a fool i was to schedule my flight home on the euro final! will probably be spending it watching made of honour in the air next to some child that won't stop kicking me.

will visit urbanscapes tomorrow to catch a few acts with the few willing music-lovers. hope we reach in time to catch kokokaina, what an intriguing voice!

cel took this photo at universal pizza a few months back (: i miss you.. see you in 2 weeks babe